Check out Dr. Fantastique's Show of Wonders magazine Kickstart project and help bring the magazine to print. Not familiar with the zine, then amble over to Dr. Fantastique's Show of Wonders. The zine includes happenings, music, reviews, stories- and (for my writerly type readers) is taking submissions!

What first grabbed my attention, though, was a call for submissions to Fantastique Gearworks, an imprint that publishes LGBTQ stories. Awesome, right? I've had a piece sitting around for years in dire need of revisions, but just couldn't find the right angle. I'm thinking I might give it a steampunk revamp. We'll see how it goes.

I had forgotten that anxiety attacks can be as sneaky as ninjas. I was driving to the dojo this evening, various thoughts floating through my brain, when one in particular began to flail: WRITING! Which led to GRAD SCHOOL! Which led to THESIS! Which, in turn, led back to WRITING! So then, all the other troublesome thoughts joined in: DATING! CAREER! CAR! FINANCES! ECONOMY! GRAD SCHOOL! THESIS! WRITING! Needless to say the rest of the drive (through rush hour traffic on streets undergoing repair) was awful. By the time I made it to the dojo my head was pounding, I was nauseous, blood pressure was through the roof, and I was on the verge of tears. I told Pat that I wouldn't be staying, turned around and drove back home.

I am, once again, questioning my life. What the fuck am I doing at Prudential? Can I leave? Should I leave? I've taken on ass-loads of new responsibilities but am not being compensated accordingly. However, the economy is in the shitter and is going to take years to recover. Am I going to be stuck humping a corporate job, barely making ends meet? I put my dreams on hold for the sake of practicality and now I can't even remember what those dreams were. What are my dreams now?

I put my toes back in the dating pool and I'm ready to run off again. Why? Because I'm terrified of meeting somebody I'll care about. I am so scared of falling in love and having my heart ripped out of my chest again. I am such a coward.

A couple of episodes of How I Met Your Mother later and I feel calmer. No tears and no racing heart anyway. But I feel crappy about missing aikido tonight. I'll be busting my ass on Sunday morning, that's for sure.

10 Simple Postures That Boost Performance at PsyBlog.

The article states, "We tend to think of body language as something that expresses our internal states to the outside world. But it also works the other way around: the position of our body also influences our mind." It's an interesting list. Take #7 for example:

7. And gesture for understanding

Gestures aren't only helpful for persuading others, they also help us think. In a study of children, Cook et al. (2007) found that children who were encouraged to gesture while learning, retained more of what they learnt. Moving our hands may help us learn; more generally we actually seem to think with our hands.

Real life story: In 9th grade English class Mr. Chapman made me sit on my hands once while giving an answer. I couldn't get the words out. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I kept tripping over my words. He then allowed me to release my hands. As the words flowed, my hands flew through the air.

I talk with my hands all the time. Even when I'm on the phone, one hand is moving. Various people have remarked on it over the years. And sometimes a gesture will be so amusing that I'll be asked to repeat what I said just so that I'll repeat the accompanying hand movement. The more excited or upset I am the grander the gestures.

I keep hearing about the importance of making a Five Year Plan (primarily from my dad). It's something I struggle to do. And then while driving home from the grocery store this morning it hit me. My life's goals aren't tangible. I don't strive for things like social status, material wealth, or a position of power. When I'm my grandparents' age, I want to look back on a life filled with joy, freedom, and experiences. I want to have stories to tell, not money to count. That's not to say that I don't recognize the need for a certain amount of money; there are bills to pay after all. But beyond paying the bills, most of what I want doesn't cost money. And of the things I do want, what I do I really need? Family, friendship, learning, tranquility- none of these cost a dime and I already have them. I could die today with no regrets and say that I lived a fulfilling life.

I don't know how many of you heard about the shooting in Buckingham the night of the hurricane, but that happened down the street from where I grew up. I knew Carrie Ruehl, her mother, and her younger sister Emily. We waited at the bus stop together in elementary and middle school. Carrie was a few years ahead of me in school, but she was always nice. This kind of thing just doesn't happen in Buckingham. It's one of those wealthy, uptight suburbs. Or, at least it was. This bastard. was Carrie's ex. He shot her, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's 10 year old son down in VA. Then the fucker came up here and shot Mrs. Ruehl. Mr. Ruehl died several months ago. Now Carrie and her mom are dead. I heard about the shooting yesterday, but only today learned the victims' identities. I can't wrap my head around this one.

I've been humming "Come on Aileen" for the last three days, just waiting for the hurricane to hit. I've been up since 4:30am, thanks to my little Punk. She's been restless since I got home from work yesterday. Shadow, however, remains serene. We're supposed to see the worst conditions overnight tonight and into early tomorrow morning. Flooding is a big concern around here; fortunately I live in a 2nd floor apartment so don't anticipate much (if any) damage. This will be the first hurricane I've weathered alone. But! I'm stocked up on candles, batteries, and Chef Boyardee should I lose power. Cell phone is fully charged, there are fresh batteries in my radio, laundry and dishes are done, and there's a full tank of gas in the car. So, I think I'm set. Now to get ready for my step-sister's surprise 30th b-day party.

To everyone in Irene's path- STAY SAFE!

P.S. OH! Almost forgot to mention that I signed up for Aikido lessons at Bucks County Aikido. Lessons start Sept 6. Very excited!

Sometimes I really, really hate being a woman. Generally those times fall at about the same place on the calendar every month. Most months, no biggy- get sleepy, headachey, maybe a backache. But this month? No physical symptoms. Nope. It's all emotional. I've spent the last two days ready to cry at the drop of a hat. I have no patience. I hate my job. I don't want to do anything but sleep. And I know that this'll pass in another day or two. But damn it! I want it done now. I'll take the aches if it means not feeling like this. Gah!

On Thursday night I had dinner at my parents' with my sister Beth. It was a lot of fun and the food, as always, was delicious. I ended up staying almost 3 hours after Beth left. Dad and I got caught up on the last several months. And then he threw me a curve ball (it's about as athletic as we get in my family. lol).

( The Curve Ball )

Today Lynn Flewelling announced that she has begun work on the final Nightrunner novel. I can't tell you how incredibly sad this makes me. I read the first Nightrunner novel, Luck in the Shadows almost 10 years ago. I've read the entire series multiple times. They're books I pull out whenever I need a comfort read. It's like getting together with old friends. But you know what they say about all good things.

Squee! I got the Supernatural anime today! LOVING the introductions to each episode done by Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. The Japanese voices are good and the animation is fantastic. I'm a happy fangirl.